An Emo Post (ignore if you don't want to wallow in my misery)

Soooo.... *sigh*

My son is out of school. He hasn't been able to make it thru a day in 3 weeks. In fact, most of those days, he's suffered massive panic attacks & not even made it out the door. Why? Mix aspergers, anxiety, cruel teenagers & adults (some well-meaning, some not) who just don't get it into a big mixing bowl, stir & bake.

Here's the problem in a nutshell. Social interaction. Social rejection. The inability to fit in no matter how hard he tries. He's not a normal kid. No matter how well he learns to "fake normal" he will never be normal. Kids pick up on that. Kids are cruel.

Tomorrow we go back to home tutoring. Maybe home schooling. He has no friends. None. Because of this group of kids who invited him into their group & then rejected him, he doesn't even want to try anymore. Fifteen. The kid is fifteen. And friendless. Alone. Rejected. Ostracized.

As a mother, I don't see the point anymore. Why should I force him to go to school to be made fun of, to be teased, to be bullied? Why should he have to accept that because he's different, he needs to work harder to blend, to be less of himself, to be "normal" when normal is unkind and hateful? Why should he have to take medication to just get thru that school day so that he can tolerate that hatefulness?

And yet, he's a smart, funny, loving kid. He's kind. He's brilliant with computers. He could have such a bright future. How is he ever going to function in this world that's not user friendly for him? I don't know. If I don't see it, how can he?

I don't know how often I'll be able to post now. All else falls away when we go thru these times. This isn't the first time he's had to regroup & start over from scratch because the world failed him. Each time I worry he'll make sure it's the last. My world is upside down. Again.

Be nice to others. The next time an odd person who won't make eye contact approaches you in the store and tries to strike up a conversation about Star Wars figures or books or whatever, instead of treating them like a freak, take a minute and talk to them. That little piece of conversation may be the only social interaction that person (who likely has aspergers or autism) has in a year. For those minutes you talk to them, they feel connected - like they matter. They don't feel that often. Too many people make sure they believe that different is worthless.