Tuesday, November 23, 2010

What I'm Thankful For....

In honor of Thanksgiving, I thought I'd list what I'm thankful for....

1. My P's in the Pod - the psychiatrist, psychologist and educational advocate who work tirelessly to ensure my son has the best future possible. Each of them has a last name that begins with P, hence P's in the pod. Our lives would be much different without them.

2. The authors who engage their audience through blogs and contests. My life is often chaotic and depressing, and these small things they do give me moments of happiness. Winning a signed book is like a little mini birthday.

3. My dog. He's a fine beast, a loving beast, a smart sneaky beast and he never fails to make me laugh. I swear he can sniff out an empty paper towel roll from 500 feet away. And he can say "out" perfectly.

4. My books. They're my escape. They're my comfort.

5. Big flat screen HDTV. Yes, its too big for my room, I know. Its like being in my own personal movie theater without all the assholes. And I love it.

6. My computer. It connects me to the world when I am often trapped in my house by circumstances, I can still have human contact.

7. The color black. It hides the fat.

8. My son. Who taught me perseverance (the ability to persevere under difficult circumstances) as well as perseverance (the ability to hyper-focus on something until you make everyone around you insane). My life would be empty without him.

9. My husband. He pisses me off. He makes me laugh. He buys me things like e-readers and new computers and big screen HDTVs just because....

10. My family. Because they say the damndest things and never let me forget where I came from or who I am. Which isn't always a good thing, but is sometimes exactly what I need.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Word Count Widgets | National Novel Writing Month

Word Count Widgets | National Novel Writing Month: "

- Sent using Google Toolbar"

Only because I type 125 words per minute & I've had a story stuck in my head for a month....
I've decided sleep is not nearly as important as writing & attempting to de-stress. So, damn it, I'm writing.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

An Emo Post (ignore if you don't want to wallow in my misery)

Soooo.... *sigh*

My son is out of school. He hasn't been able to make it thru a day in 3 weeks. In fact, most of those days, he's suffered massive panic attacks & not even made it out the door. Why? Mix aspergers, anxiety, cruel teenagers & adults (some well-meaning, some not) who just don't get it into a big mixing bowl, stir & bake.

Here's the problem in a nutshell. Social interaction. Social rejection. The inability to fit in no matter how hard he tries. He's not a normal kid. No matter how well he learns to "fake normal" he will never be normal. Kids pick up on that. Kids are cruel.

Tomorrow we go back to home tutoring. Maybe home schooling. He has no friends. None. Because of this group of kids who invited him into their group & then rejected him, he doesn't even want to try anymore. Fifteen. The kid is fifteen. And friendless. Alone. Rejected. Ostracized.

As a mother, I don't see the point anymore. Why should I force him to go to school to be made fun of, to be teased, to be bullied? Why should he have to accept that because he's different, he needs to work harder to blend, to be less of himself, to be "normal" when normal is unkind and hateful? Why should he have to take medication to just get thru that school day so that he can tolerate that hatefulness?

And yet, he's a smart, funny, loving kid. He's kind. He's brilliant with computers. He could have such a bright future. How is he ever going to function in this world that's not user friendly for him? I don't know. If I don't see it, how can he?

I don't know how often I'll be able to post now. All else falls away when we go thru these times. This isn't the first time he's had to regroup & start over from scratch because the world failed him. Each time I worry he'll make sure it's the last. My world is upside down. Again.

Be nice to others. The next time an odd person who won't make eye contact approaches you in the store and tries to strike up a conversation about Star Wars figures or books or whatever, instead of treating them like a freak, take a minute and talk to them. That little piece of conversation may be the only social interaction that person (who likely has aspergers or autism) has in a year. For those minutes you talk to them, they feel connected - like they matter. They don't feel that often. Too many people make sure they believe that different is worthless.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Books read in October with ratings

Total books read - 12

I'd like to spend time writing reviews of these books & I'll try to edit at some point, but I'm having crazy days. I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. I did it unofficially last year and have been writing like crazy ever since. (I seriously had forgotten how much I loved writing.) On top of that, my 15 yr. old has decided school is too stressful. He's throwing a huge pity party, the school is trying to just get him to his 16th birthday so that they can write him off & I'm scrambling like a madwoman. Fun days.

The Replacement by Brenna Yovanoff ****
Raphael by DB Reynolds ***
Jabril by DB Reynolds ***
Venom by Jennifer Estep *****
Double Cross by Carolyn Crane ****
The Iron Daughter by Julie Kagawa ***
Night Shift by Lilith Saintcrow ****
Hunter's Prayer by Lilith Saintcrow ****
Redemption Alley by Lilith Saintcrow *****
Flesh Circus by Lilith Saintcrow *****
Heaven's Spite by Lilith Saintcrow *****
Sweet Disgrace by Cherrie Lynn ****

I will say this - I highly recommend all the book I read this month. Even those with 3 stars had interesting stories that kept me reading. And Lilith Saintcrow's Jill Kismet series? Oh my God! Phenomenal.